starting with a shimmer of bel-I-E-f

so, I'm awake and my life feels like a mess. everything seems wrong and everything seems right, at times. from the days I felt just escatic (I really felt it) by just living in a city noisy, polluted, corrupted city (so V they filmed a 11Emmy award film called Slum Dog Millionare) they call it a mess but I call it home.

now my life is a mess - from all my self painted belief of being a natural born winner, I feel like a nothing, with a little pot belly and working at a call center I feel like another failure.

but with all of this,

i still have a glimmer of Hope

i still have this shimmer of belief

I comes before E

except after V?

I'm going to see where all these beliefs and values take me, in real time

this is all real.

I feel far from ordinary, on the lesser side

I believed in soo many things up until 3 months ago

and then it all turned upside down

I want to see if i can

if i turn

if i choose

to break loose

I dont want to be far less than ordinary - but I am

only now?

I want to put the ex in place,

right before the ordinary