Ganesha connecting...

so 2 days in a row, I'm buzzing just naturally - I LOVE IT

woke up this wee hour wth a dream of home and India, friends and warmth, connections and Lord Ganesh, yep...Ganesha.

since the past 9 months I've had the strangest connection to the elephant god will share these times in time to come

but last nights dream was meeting a bunch of spiritual minded individuals who shared my passion for these inspirations - I'd like to think the world would call them Hindus, and then I'd think some other collections would think I'm wrong, and they sure are right to feel right - you will have your extremists that will ruin the most beautiful messages. and the beautiful thing is the extremists are the balance, the balance that fits the beauty

so - instead of just thinking and dreaming. I want to do, not just talk

I'm going to revive the welcomebeing, one of the very sources of my frustration, one of the very sources of my nightmare will be the source of my dream, my source of light at the end of the tunnel.

we all have the power to turn it, the very same thing that turns us

from love to insane

for esctatic to even wanting to die

these are all the same

we turn them

with time

and belief

values and love

I'm going to make it, I'm going to prove it

smartup is going to live again

and its all gong to happen this time with sense and passion

and I'll stay clean, clean from the lies

free from the deceipt to the onces I love

I will break free,

I will 'flip-out'

but within the sanity to succeed

because then I'll only be.

- MAD

10/9 10:57 on my PC

11/9 5:30 am in real time,

I really need to get this PC formatter or even better get mac'ed

3 months ago this slow anddisobedient PC was one of my sources of frustration

and as I flipped out it was one of my 'wishes of change'

I'm sure I'll buy a Mac, infact I am a mac

yesterday Babblefish Productions agreed with me that the all answers lie in Goa

I am buzzing, and I am clean

clean from all toxication, free from all selfishness, free from the smog

this has always been me

w0rk

and in a couple of hours the C-reativity, the high, died

and i felt ordinary and mundane again

but I decided to finish what I started

keeping priorities and fOcus I know the persistence will pay off

success will only come as quickly as I work towards it

after all an inspiring influence of a friend has this quote on her FB profile

"A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it." ~ Alistair Cooke

for now this is work, best work will come with practise

ps: all Tantra designs, I'm only imaging them for spiritualitee.co.nz

5:30am and I'll rest now - really dont 'feel' like I'll write anytime, soon.

getting 09 on o9

so here's my experiment - and even though I talk in lyrics, these are all words and this is all real. but I'm sure if I overdo it I'll turn odd

so 09 was another day

I tried to get a lot of work done, but didnt - its just this mind of mine, I cant seem to get it to focus. that emotional nightmare 3 months ago has left its scars, but I'm determined to make myself better...far better and improved than before

today I woke up knowing I need to start doing things different - there might be things I feel like doing BUT then there are thing I really should be doing, and even if its all work - theres got to be priorities

so today even though I really felt like starting off with my t-shirt work I knew I really had to get down to writing my engineering work report to finally graduate (3 years after my due date). This year cant be a better year to graduate esp with some of my closest (and junior) friends graduating too.

then later in the day I got back to the 't-shirt business'...its seriously daunting, the whole deal - sometimes I really feel that the entire investment was a waste, but, I'm sure its my (hoi)e, what I make of it

and it first starts

in this volatile head of mine :)

wishe me luck!

starting with a shimmer of bel-I-E-f

so, I'm awake and my life feels like a mess. everything seems wrong and everything seems right, at times. from the days I felt just escatic (I really felt it) by just living in a city noisy, polluted, corrupted city (so V they filmed a 11Emmy award film called Slum Dog Millionare) they call it a mess but I call it home.

now my life is a mess - from all my self painted belief of being a natural born winner, I feel like a nothing, with a little pot belly and working at a call center I feel like another failure.

but with all of this,

i still have a glimmer of Hope

i still have this shimmer of belief

I comes before E

except after V?

I'm going to see where all these beliefs and values take me, in real time

this is all real.

I feel far from ordinary, on the lesser side

I believed in soo many things up until 3 months ago

and then it all turned upside down

I want to see if i can

if i turn

if i choose

to break loose

I dont want to be far less than ordinary - but I am

only now?

I want to put the ex in place,

right before the ordinary

living vurtously

2:15am on my wall clock

7:45pm on my monitor screen,

feels like I'm living in different time zones

this C hits me and then leaves me

I want to live

and then

I want to die

and then I realise its still in balance